Life goes on.....

I'm certainly in a better frame of mind today than I was just a few short days ago, it's ugly what hormones can do to you. Monday night Matt and I had a real good discussion, we had some how gotten off the same trail but found our way back. He thought our break was going to be longer, I thought we were done and ready to go. Needless to say we compromised with about three more months of "break time". We have continued our discussion all week, please tell me if this is normal but do you ever have those moments where you think to yourself "I can live life without a child"? We keep asking each other that and hesitantly thinking "yes, maybe". That part scares us, which also tells me deep down inside neither of us could.

Tuesday I hit the bookstore, we are on a three month break so it's time for us to do some more reading and research. I looked at three sections; infertility treatments, adoption, and childfree life. I bought two...bet you can't guess which two...infertility treatment and adoption. I read the fertility treatment book in about a day and started the adoption book this morning. My mind has been so confused and in a million places about all this but I think I may have found my answer, those of you who have been down this road please tell me. Is this that "ahhhaa" moment? The fertility treatment book gave me clarity on the treatments but scared the crap out of me, I found myself going "I can't do that" and "OMG what?!!". The adoption book is giving me clarity and I find myself going "that's it, that's what I want" while the journey is still as treacherous it does not scare me.

Matt has committed to reading both books as well so I'm anxious to see how he feels after reading them.