Moving + Excitement = Stress

I'm afraid this may turn into a "moving process" blog for the next couple months since that is our big focus. We are moving from Texas to Oregon and so excited but terrified at the same time. The hardest part of our move is selling our home, I love our home.

I think the scariest thing right now is putting our current house on the market, it's such a difficult time to sell a house but that is what we need to do right now. We had an agent come out yesterday and look at our house she said it will show well but unfortunately that doesn't mean it will sell quickly in today's market. We know going in that it will be a difficult process and we will not make a single dime off of it. My focus is the outcome, we will be back home where our family and closest friends are. They will offer us a wonderful support system when we get back to our family making process. The best part is we will be there just in time for the Holiday's, as I have mentioned before we are huge family people so the Holiday's are big for us.

Please keep your fingers crossed for a quick and easy sell, well as quick and easy as it can be at the time...

"Juno"

My mom is in town helping us pack up and making sure we see all the sites we need to see before leaving. It's been BUSY, my feet are tuckered out so last night we watched "Juno" again, enjoyed some wine, and let our feet rest. I love that movie, I love the one liners, her parents, and the overall movie about how it deals with everything. I watch it and realize that a lot of it is very fictional but at the same time so true? It terrifies me to watch the adoptive couple as they are clearly not on the same page from the start of the movie. I know there are so many couples out there going through all this and the thought that some aren't as "together" in the process is scary. If you haven't watched the movie I highly suggest checking it out, but go into it as I did the first time with an open mind. If anything the one liners are great ~ especially in the first 10 minutes. I would love to hear your thoughts on the movie as well!!??

Thank you Rebekah for the shout out. I can't promise a well written blog like Rebekah's as I don't have the knack for that but this has been such a helpful way to get some of my thoughts out there.

Lots of changes

Well it's been a busy couple of weeks. My husband interviewed for a new position last month and we found out last week that the job is his. This means WE ARE MOVING HOME!!! I have loved my time in Texas but we are both huge family people so it's time to get back to our family. I'm looking forward to Sunday dinners with the family and doing slumber parties with my nieces and nephews. Another big bonus is our new insurance covers a lot more in the infertility world than what we are leaving (which was a big fat ZERO), I'm still not sure on the details of the coverage. Another bonus is they help pay for acupuncture as well and since I'm an acu addict now this will be great. Well this is going to be short but since I'm officially unemployed I imagine I will have more time to expand my blog.

The big TALK

Well we had it tonight, we planned on waiting a couple weeks but I broke down and it needed to happen. We decided a few months ago that October would be our D-month (discussion). We have hit the two year trying mark. Matt is perfectly happy just "treading water" and I love that quality in him, it helps keep me sane. Unfortunately after two years of "treading" I'm done and need to move on to our next step. We talked long, hard, and got all of our feelings out there on the table.

I am at a roadblock right now, I don't want to do drugs/treatment I don't like taking asprin let alone hormonal changing medications. But I feel that if I don't then I'm giving up and I'm not good at quiting. Matt and I discussed our feelings, he's along for the ride and I'm saying that in the best way, Matt is by my side no matter what. So long story short we are making an appointment with an RE, I want to walk in knowing what we know (my one ovary/tube matched with Matt's sub part SA results) about us and tell them to give it to us straight. What will it take, what are our possible steps knowing there are no guarantees. We will go home with that sit down and decide how much of that we want to do and write out a time line. I know you can't "time line" a baby but I'm a time line person, I need a drop dead date to know where we stop. This is where Matt's feelings are strong, if we get to this point and still no child we will step back completely. Take 3, 6, 12 months however long it takes but we will take time, I will seek counseling to help grieve not having a biological child, we will make sure both of us are in a good healthy state of mind and at that point start pursuing adoption.

It's amazing how this little BIG talk we had truly helps my state of mind and my heart. I'm not giving up on a bilogical child yet but I know in my heart somehow someway we will have our family.