Negative

I'm at a loss for words, we are at the end of our journey.

A week in a blur

This week has been a blur, for a process that has seemed to just drag this last week was nothing like it. Monday I had my egg retrieval, it went smoothly and the staff at my RE's office is wonderful. They were able to retrieve 12 and everyone was happy with that number. Remember I only have one ovary. The remainder of the day I slept...and slept....and slept. I had the normal amount of bloat and pain but thankfully never crossed into OHSS territory. By this morning I felt like me again.

Today was a surreal day, it was transfer day. I arrived with my full bladder and ready to go. They gave us the details on our embies and they are ROCK STARS!! All scoring at the top of the level, we were so pleased as was the whole office. After much discussion about trasferring two or three back we decided on doing the two top rock stars. So "Louie & Stella" are snuggling in tight. I will wait for a long two weeks and on June 30th we'll have our blood test.

Triggered

I'm triggered and we are doing our retrieval tomorrow! I'm full of so many emotions right now; excitement, optimism, fear, and doubt. It's crazy how all those can get wrapped up into one head at one time. The good thing however is I'm not feeling stressed, I have done my best to remain stress free through this whole thing. My husband, family, and close friends are such a great support system they always know what to say and when to say it.

I never considered myself a strong person, not necessarily a weak person but just a go with the flow happy kind of person. I have a few friends that are super outgoing and go get what they want without second thought, I have always been jealous of them and their "strong" character. Well I sort of had a selfish epiphany this week, I am so much stronger and braver than those friends just in a different way. Yes that's horrible to say and completely selfish but this is my time to be selfish. I am going to look at my baby(s) and always remember the time mommy was brave. I'm forever a changed person and as much as I hate this infertility journey I am thankful for the strength it has given me, my husband and our relationship.

Your boobs are getting bigger...

was my husbands darling comment Sunday. I just laughed him off and figured it was the couple of beers he had talking rather than factual. Well yesterday I was reading the side effects of Menopur and what do you know "enlarged breasts" was one of them. I should fill you in, I am super self consious of my 38D chest and have always told Matt that as soon as we have a child I'm getting a breast reduction. So he knew this comment would send me into a tail spin of constantly worrying that they are growing before I'm even pregnant.

Oh and another side effect I'm noticing is my irrational mind is kicking into over drive. I have the most insane thoughts and I keep telling myself to step back and look at the big picture. I think trying to remain stress free is stressing me out more. Are we done yet?

Week 2

All is still going smoothly, I had my first ultra sound and blood test on Monday and was suppressed. Woohoo. It's amazing but each little step is almost like a milestone in this process. So with that I added another med, Follistim, twice a day. The follistim is to stimulate growth. So I'm up to three shots a day, let me just say I feel like a human pin cushion now and it's only the beginning. I go in again tomorrow for another ultra sound and blood test, if all is going well I'll go off follistim and onto menopur. I started feeling twinges in my ovary yesterday so it feels as though things are working and moving along as they should. Fingers crossed tomorrow goes well.

I did have my first experience with a Lupron Headache the other night, WOW I feel for anyone who gets those daily. All day it was just a nagging headache so I didn't take anything, that night it got a bit worse so I just figured I would go to bed early and sleep it off like I do any other headache. OH NO was that ever a bad idea. I woke up about 2am in excruciating pain, the worst headache I have ever felt. I finally took something which of course took about 45 minutes to kick in. I now know that when I fell the twing of a headache to take something right away. Oh and I have now had two hot flashes from the Lupron as well, those are an experience let me tell you. But in all honestly if this works all these side effects will be so worth it.